Here’s what my breakup taught me. If y’all follow me on social, y’all know I have this pretty dope life I’ve been making for myself. It wasn’t a front for social media. Then I found this pretty dope ass guy and added him to my team. So, we were out here building this amazing ass life together. Or so, I thought. You know the saying, “build in private.” That’s what we were doing. Shit was going good. And then it went bad. Like all bad. For forty-eight months & twelve days, I trusted him and loved from a place I didn’t know existed. And then it ended… Just over. You talking about a sick child. Baby that was me. But I found something on the other side of all that.
It was a crazy 21 days. Lots of crying, sad moments, reflective moments… I was out in these streets looking crazy ass hell. I was functioning but it was a chaotic, barley hanging on type of functioning. But y’all my tribe was not letting me stay in the trenches too long. My therapist wasn’t letting me stay in the trenches too long. Hell I wasn’t letting myself stay in the trenches too long. I had already overstayed my welcome. I was fighting daily to dig myself out.
I needed the heartbreak, the pain, the shame, the hurtful words and all of that to be reminded that I’m human too. My lil superwoman cape was off at the moment. Now, I think the shit could’ve been done in a more subtle way but I needed all of that to regain focus. My focus had shifted so much. I needed to be taken to a vulnerable place. The level of transparency was like nothing I had given before. My honesty and openness were what helped me to start seeing the light at the end of a very dark tunnel. I talked about it with my tribe. Cried about it too. My best friend got the worst of it. She got the ugly cries over the phone. The damn, what the f*#k conversations. She was patient, nonjudgmental and supportive.
I appreciated all the lunch dates, brunch dates, movies, hanging out, text messages, early morning running and everything from an awesome group of ladies. My therapist is so damn amazing too. She kept me from making irrational, emotionally charged decisions. Y’all know I was ready to move to another country. Still not a bad idea but for different reasons.
I finally got back to doing me… writing consistently, running, cooking, and healing. Y’all don’t understand how hurt my lil feelings were. I’ve always been this strong, I got this kind of girl. Well, I didn’t have it this time but I had a support system out this world. I’m so thankful. So on the other side of this breakup, I found my tribe. They were in the trenches with me but only to pull me out.
I’m happy to see the light again. Im happy to be transparent about the situation. I’m happy to be carrying on with this dope ass life and I didn’t let 48 months & 12 days ruin what I’ve been building for the past 17 years. I’m good. We good. Life is great, not perfect. *Cues The Carter’s song, Friends*
This heartbreak didn’t break me…
Almost Unfiltered at 30 