Toya shares with us her experiences, inspiration, and motivation for pursuing her dream as relationship coach, public speaker, and author while being a wife, mother, and full-time employee.
Inspiration for our purpose in life can be found in some of our most challenging situations. Once we realize our purpose, we have to overcome fear of failure, self-doubt, naysayers and push through to live in our purpose. In a very honest, candid interview, Toya Carter shares her experiences of being a wife, mommy, and dream chaser. Toya is busy in the best ways possible. Outside of being a wife, mom, and full-time employee, she is pursuing her dreams of dynamic relationship coach, public speaker, author, and founder of her coaching and consulting firm, Mrs. Toya Carter. Check out her advice and interview below.
Tell us more about yourself and the services you provide?
Let’s see professionally, I have been a therapist, social worker, facilitator or advocate for the past ten years. I have a Master’s degree in counseling; so I would say the helping profession is my thing. As recent as last year, I started my coaching and consulting firm, Mrs. Toya Carter. My business is designed to assist women in creating and maintaining the life and love of their dreams. Through my business, I provide individual and group coaching. I am also a speaker and I love talking self-care, relationships, self-esteem among other things. I am also an author of a phenomenal book, The Wife’s Guide to Beating the Sidechick. Personally, I am a wife to one and mom to two.
What ignited your spark to start your business?
Well, like most success it started with a little pain. When I got married I thought I was a great catch. On paper, I read well. I have two degree, one child (at that time), a career, a car, and my own place. The perfect catch, right? Honey wrong! I was so stuck in the single mom grind that my first year of marriage was rocky, to say the least. I was not prepared for the transition; despite, pre-marital counseling. It wasn’t enough I guess. I kinda went into my marriage with the wrong mindset and I had work to do. Thinking back on how far my husband and I had come in our marriage I just started thinking how I couldn’t be the only woman who struggled in her marriage. The idea started to form from there. Then I was tired of the idea that women must be a wife and mom only. I believe women can have it all. We can have the family and the business if we work for it. So, I decided to take the lessons I’d learned personally and professionally, and turn it into something.
What three pieces of advice would you give to college students who want to become an entrepreneur or chase their dreams while working full-time?
Network! You never know what people are going to do after college. The party girl with a baby may be the plug to what it is you are wanting to do. The shy nerd may be the radio host and if you are mean to him or her, how willing do you think (s)he will be to help promote your business? Networking is key. So, make meaningful connections early. Secondly, get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Whatever your business is, it will require you to put yourself out there and it can be scary not knowing how people will respond but to succeed you must do it anyway. Everything great that has happened to me has happened outside of my comfort zone. Finally, I would say get a mentor. Now, you may have to pay for this mentor and they may be called a coach, but you need someone who is doing what you want to do. Someone who is also invested in your success. The accountability and guidance is priceless.
What have you learned from your failures?
I have never failed. I have only learned a lesson. So, one lesson I have learned is people cannot support you if they have no idea what you are doing. So be clear in your message and never be afraid to promote yourself. I think people are afraid of looking like spam or even too thirsty. To that I ask is what you are saying or selling valuable? If it is, there is no reason to feel thirsty because you are providing a service.
What are your greatest fears and how do you manage fear?
I used to be afraid to fail. I really do not like the way failure feels. I don’t have a secret to manage this. I just feel the fear and hit send anyway. Whether it is send on a call I need to make, or an email I need to send. I just do it. I pray, meditate, set my intentions, and go for it. Because the alternative is what? Having this nagging thought that I should be doing more? Or worse, knowing I am holding on to a gift that could possibly bless someone else.
What motivates you?
My family. Hands down. I want to win so they will win. I also love love. So as a relationship coach, I am committed to people succeeding in life and love.
What makes you happy? Work or non-work related?
My family and lazy days. I am busy, to say the least. Not only do I have business, husband, and two children, but I work full-time outside the home. So yes, I enjoy the rare Netflix and chill days where there is nothing due, no soccer games to attend, and I can just breathe. Professionally, I love the feedback I get from clients both good and bad. When my clients are happy and they call to say, “Girl, I did what you said and now things are better”, it makes me smile. I want to know I am helping people live their best lives. I also like constructive feedback because it shows me where I need to grow and improve.
Do you find social media helpful in your business adventures? How so?
Definitely. We live in a social media world. The next time you are out, look around and you will see 80 – 90% of people staring at their phones. Sure, some of them are working and sending emails, but the vast majority are on social media. Most of my customers and business friends are people I have met on social media. Social media allows people who would have never heard about me the chance to be exposed to me and my message.
In one word, characterize your life as a wife, mom, and entrepreneur.
Where do you see yourself and your business in ten years?
Still helping women succeed, but on a global level. I tell people all the time I want to be a more swagged out Iyanla Vanzant. I love everything about her! She is the best way I can conceptualize where I will be in ten years.
Ladies, there you have it from the dynamic relationship coach, public speaker, and author herself, we can have it all. It’s possible to be a wife, mommy, and dream pursuer. We don’t have to sacrifice one for the other. If you would like to connect with Toya, follow her on all social media accounts @mrstoyacarter. For more information on the services she provides, you may email her: Email and make sure you check out her website: Mrs. Toya Carter.
Big thank you Mrs. Toya Carter for your candid conversation, sharing your experiences, and giving us your advice. Keep pursuing your dreams and changing relationships and lives. #BossConversations