Random Writing… Repost from 9.7.14

30 Layers…30 Days Day 6-7

Day 6: Don’t Fix Me, Love Me. (Name something about your appearance or personality that use to make you feel insecure or inadequate but you have grown to love.  Why are you grateful for it? What changed your perspective?)

I’m perfectly flawed!  I’ve always been small or skinny as most people say!  I wanted to be thicker as society had me thinking that that was the only way “Real” women were made.  I desired legs, butt, hips, breast and all those things appealing.  I would think to myself I would look so much better if I was a little thicker.  I’ve always thought I was cute J but I desired a nice full body as well. I didn’t exercise because I didn’t want to get any skinnier than I already was.  I looked like a lollipop… At least that was the joke.  Big head and little body.  This made me very insecure.  But I knew I needed to embrace who I was.  I’m grateful I can eat just about anything I want and not really have to worry about gaining weight.  Not that I eat any and everything but I’m thankful my life doesn’t have to consist of dieting.  I’m happy I educated myself on exercising and the benefits.  I’m still small but I have a little more definition to myself.  LOL! No more stick pole jokes.  The lollipop jokes just don’t go away.  Life has a way of changing your perspective.  When I decided that what you see is what you get I accepted my small frame. Honestly, I’m happy I’m petite.  I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been in… I’m happy for all the guys that thought I was cute but I was too skinny! Now, they are either too big or with someone that they complain about being too big.

I’m perfectly flawed! I don’t trust easily.  Growing up I didn’t understand the concept that trust was earned and not given.  I would meet people, get good vibes, and hand over all my trust. You can only imagine what this has been like over the years.  After having my trust broken time and time again, I finally grasped the concept of trust being earned and not given.  Now, I’m so to trust.  I’m more cautious about opening up, communicating, and sharing me.  I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or bad thing.  Sometimes, it’s unfair to the individual but a girl can only have her trust taken for granted so many times before she begins to guard it with all she has.  I don’t like for people to try and rush me into trusting them.  One thing for certain is when I trust I do so explicitly.  You have to earn it and once you break it, it’s almost impossible to gain it back. I’m perfectly flawed! Second chances are hard to come by with me.  Don’t fix me, love me! We all have flaws but we all are capable of loving and being loved…Flaws and ALL!  What’s a home without a mess?  What’s a person without flaws? Don’t fix me, love me! I’m perfectly flawed.

 

Day 7: Gratitude (Make a list of things you are grateful for, specifically focusing on things that you take for granted.  We tend to place a higher value on what we don’t have then what we do.)

About a week ago, I made a post on FB of some of the things that make me happy! I’m grateful for parents that I call daily.  We can get so accustomed to having our parents readily accessible that we take them for granted.  I’m grateful for sibling that I can count on.  They don’t always be in the places that I WANT them to be but they are ALWAYS where I NEED them to be.  More specifically the things I take for granted but shouldn’t, I’m thankful for a place to call home, running water, electricity, employment and my ability to communicate with any demographic… I’m forever grateful that I enjoy writing.  I’m thankful for hot baths after miles of running.  I’m thankful for reliable transportation, big fluffy bath towels, and most importantly peace of mind!

 

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