Does it ever get easy to deal with? DEATH! Repost from 10.1.13

Does it ever get easy to deal with? DEATH!

We all have had to deal with death at some point in our lives.  My question is does it get easier to handle.  From a very young age, I’ve dealt with it.  I remember being 5 or 6 and hearing my mom cry so loudly.  Anyone who knows me, knows I’m a momma’s girl! At the time, I didn’t know what was going on or the magnitude of what was happening.  Shortly afterwards, I remember attending the funeral of my little sister.  She died at six months.  My first experience with death that I can remember.Years later, I was dealing with it again.  My grandfather passed.  At 11 or so, I understood better what was happening.  While I understood, I didn’t grasp it totally.  It was crazy.  I had just literally seen him the day before and he was in good spirits.  Well at least I thought he was.  It was just baffling.After that death seemed to continue to occur. Great-aunt, uncles, friends, classmates, great-grandmothers.  All my life, I had all four of my great-grandmothers then they were leaving so quickly.  By this time, I thought I was numb to the pain that death caused.  I was more sadden by the amount of wisdom leaving the earth rather than the person. Sounds harsh but I had just accepted the fact that people must die.  So, I was numb. I took death like I took the lies most people tell (with a grain of salt).

Oh but I wasn’t numb to it all.  In 2008, the pain was real. My niece passed and it was the worst feeling in the world. The pain wouldn’t subside no matter how much I prayed about and tried to occupy myself with other stuff.  Her time in our lives was just too short. 22 months just was not enough time.  It was just long enough for us to be attached and to cause inexplicable pain with her loss.  2008 was one of the worst years of my life yet.  It was way too much going on that year.  Fast forward it two years and here we go again.  My nephew passed.  This was the most painful not that I loved him more than my niece but I was so attached to this little boy.  He was really like mine.  I didn’t go into a store without picking up something for him.  I didn’t go home without spoiling him for hours on end. Plus, I couldn’t believe we were making funeral arrangements for yet another child. I didn’t deal with either death. I stayed occupied.  Mentally trying to stay away from it.  We had him for 374 days.  Long enough for me to be attached and question everything I’d ever been told. My sister who had just lost her son was calling me daily asking if I was okay. I was suppose to be comforting her yet she was doing the comforting.

Nothing in the Bible could have prepared me for these moments.  My way of thinking changed.  I changed. Don’t get me wrong I still believe and I still have faith but it’s not the way I was taught.  Do I believe in God? Yes, I do.  I just don’t trust all that man has written in the Bible.  The logic of it all doesn’t make sense to me. But that’s another blog topic altogether.  Religion vs Spirituality!

I just want to know if there will ever be a time in life that death becomes easier to deal with?  Will you ever be numb to the fact that someone you love and care about will no longer be in your presence physically. Probably not huh?  That would make us inhumane.

For Arnevia & Devan Triplett, it hasn’t been easy and it won’t ever be! Auntie misses you daily! Love and hugs my heavenly angels!

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